Four years ago, the soccer team deemed Nick Baylor “Joel” since he looked like a previous player named Joel. Now that Joel is graduating, a new Joel must succeed the old.
Looking for a new Joel is no easy task. The list of qualifications is long and includes: short, outgoing, friend to all and loves to be carried up the hill, just to name a few.
“I have looked far and wide on this campus to find the next Joel,” Joel said. “They must have all the qualifications and a little extra.”
This has not been an easy task for Joel. He still has not found the right person for the job.
“I have found many people who would make a good Joel,” Joel said. “But no one who would be perfect for the job.”
One candidate in mind is junior economics major Jonathan Russell. When asked about his candidacy, he took a humble approach.
“I am not worthy,” Russell said. “I’m not qualified to be the next Joel.”
Russell’s humility hurts his chances, as being humble is not one of Joel’s strongest qualities. However, time is running out; a new Joel must be named.
With time fading away, ideas of the next Joel being an incoming freshman have started to come up.
“I have been carried up the hill many times,” Joel said. “Whoever replaces me I hope enjoys that perk as much as I did.”
Not everyone is happy about this change. One student who has expressed his concerns about naming another Joel is Dave. The current Dave is Noah Hickerson.
“I do not want another Dave,” Dave said. “Why should there be another Joel?”
Dave has expressed his opinion to Joel, but Joel has ignored it and intends on finding a new Joel.
“He or she is out there,” Joel said. “I just need to be carried up the hill more to find out who it is.”
Joel is expected to make the announcement during the Mr. Buff competition, in which he is competing. Those who are interested in becoming the next Joel must find him, as he has no contact information.
April Fools! This article is part of The Stampede’s April Fools edition and is not meant to be taken seriously.